Future Tense?

Well, I wasn’t tensed about my future. What was there to be tensed about?

I had a good job – the pay wasn’t ‘buy-a-house-tomorrow’ type, but the people were A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. The culture was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. The job itself involved a lot of travel and every 2 months I was doing something different so the learning was non-stop.

I have THE BEST parents ever…. And my sister is my soulmate (she just doesn’t realize it yet ;D)

I can’t complain about anything regarding my friends – except I wish most of them were in town! But the one’s that are and the one’s that aren’t are perfect :)

Until I met the tarot card reader!



Just for kicks… she told me to ask her 3 questions and by the power vested in her card reading abilities, she would answer my questions. I asked her about family, love and my job! The first two were acceptable answers because the choice was going to be mine at the end of the day. But when I asked her about my job, she gave me a blank look and said something I feared since the time I had my first review with my mentor at work, but never had the guts to put into words… The card she had pulled out was a picture of a lady holding two pots with water flowing out of them, one she poured into a well and the other she poured into a lake. This is exactly what she said,

“You are not in any position to ask me that question at this point, at this moment. What have you given to your work that you are wondering if it meant for you or not? You have treated your job as you would any other activity that you do just to pass your time! You have performed well till now, but not because you tried hard or because that was your goal. You have not focused on your career – as the card says. You are busy handling two emotional baggage’s that leaves you with no time to pave way for a real career!”

Jeez..!! She was absolutely right. This job had fallen into my lap and I was doing nothing to nurse it. I was just cradling it with no intent of nurturing it…!

And I knew this for sometime now. All my peers had sometime or the other made decisions that gave priority to their job over their fun and games. I had never. And I had more often than not given them the “you live only once” lecture!

Thank you miss Tarrot card reader! Even if you didn’t convert this cynic into a believer, you did give me focus!

Now I am future tense :(

Then he left

It’s incomprehensible. I would never have thought of him as a person who would make me dependant on him.

I walked into my new client’s office, meeting for the first time the client and the team I was going to be working with for the next 3 months. I saw 2 boys sitting in the waiting room – AM and NT (names changed :P). AM was tall and fair, had a nice smile, spoke well. NT was in tight pants and gel-slicked well combed hair.

That was my first impression. I actually remember telling my friends, “AM is probably the only one on the team I will ever be able to connect with”…. I was so wrong!

Our assignment began in March 08 in a popular investment bank. We learnt a lot together, we made mistakes, covered each others’ asses, and gave a value add to the task at hand so high the client extended our term from 3 months to 6…. AM was luckier, he got out in month 5. I looked at him leave the building with a feeling of despair… Now it was just NT and me. Would we be awkward? Would we even talk? Did we have ANYTHING in common? But this is when we bonded! We were handed new roles and responsibilities and the expectations were higher. There was so much to work on, so much to perform with, there was pressure and stress, and only each others’ support to bank on…

Did I mention he had a CAT score of 98.7 percentile the time he attempted the exam for fun? He was a nerd. He was super intelligent. He was super funny – each word he said was a funny anecdote. He was a year younger to me – and never let me forget it!! But he was my support system.

Our term was once again extended from 6 months to 9…. and this time NT got lucky and he was going to be released in month 8. I think the entire month of 8 (October 08) was torture, but it was bitter sweet… He felt like shit that he was leaving me behind, so he was being extra sweet…:) we shared songs, we shared stories, we shared memories of 8 months, we shared a quiet understanding of support, we shared a rapport…..

We shared.

Then he left…..and I was alone. Ploughing ahead with no one watching my back. This was way worse that when AM left… heck, there was no comparison.

I miss NT… How did a guy who has nothing that fits my profile of a friend, matter to me so much? How did a guy who I wouldn’t have given a second glance to make me cry a little, die a little when he left?

Meghna Reddy <3

I’m not lesbian!! But I love Meghna Reddy – absolutely! She was a Channel [V] VJ when I was 13. Her screen presence was just mind blowing. Literally. Apparently she wrote her own script and chose her music and had a say in her wardrobe. She would not let some random people who she signed a contract with, control how she would be perceived by millions like me viewing her on-screen.

That to me, at that age, took a lot of balls.

This is one of her promotional ads for her show. I remember it till date…:)

She walks into the frame, turns to look at the camera and looks (fake) pissed, shakes her head with a short shock of permed hair and says,

“I want flowers on my birthday…. I want world peace…. I want someone to say ‘poor baby’ when I stub my little toe…. But that’s not about to happen, is it?? So I want more letters, more letters from you :) write in to…”

Teehee….! :”)